Being alone, Being in the company of self, Being Lonely and Dementia

Disclaimer : 

This post does not apply to people who channelize their minds towards spirituality so that the negative thoughts ease off due to practiced prayer and calmness and the mind has free disk space and ego levels come low. They will naturally be able to meet people and greet people with ease. Their need to be approved, appreciated, accepted, loved will be lower because they believe in the love of God and know that Providence sends the right people at the right time to them.

The whole post applies to :

• A large population of men who irrespective of whether they talk or not, never really connect or trust their heads and hearts with another person.
• People who detach themselves completely from the world even when they are among people.
• People who do not think anyone else is necessary at all.
• People who think they are wasting time talking to people.
• People who think they can live and die alone.
• People who are unknowingly getting into depression because they trust no one but themselves.
• People who do not express emotions in the name of emotional strength.

We surely have heard one or more of the following statements many times with many people in our lives.

• He is a very quiet person.
• He is a silent man.
• She likes to be alone.
• She is intelligent and hence is calm.
• He likes to keep to himself and spends his time reading or watching TV.
• Silence is the surest way to wisdom.
• Talk less, listen more.
• He is happy with his own inner self and hence likes to be left alone.

It's okay to spend some time alone each day. In fact, it is needed to cleanse and grow inward. But it has to be clarified that being alone for a while and lonely and choosing to be aloof/non-verbal/silent are different things.

It came as a total shocker to me that this habituated silence or introspective mode ( so-called, unsure though, if constant non-verbal introspection helps) over the years isolates the individual from the rest of the society and world. They seem happier partnering with the silence inside them. 

You ask me “ How are you?” and I say “ Fine. Thank you”. If I do not ask anything further, the conversation ends there.

This way, in time, the external inputs slow down towards the silence lovers. A defense to the other views and opinions naturally develops around them as a huge wall making them unable to see the world at all. It makes them mentally run away from everyone and everything that is not in line with their train of thoughts. They simply do not like being spoken to. If spoken to, they do not like opinions at all especially cannot take contradictions. And it gets them back to being aloof. It is a vicious cycle in mind.

Though modern books and teachings say that it is better to stay away from the noise and unwarranted opinions, often this is mistaken by most of today’s generation, in my opinion. We see people overtly quiet which adds to their burden of having to deal with their life themselves. They end up not knowing how to seek help. They end up high in ego to even ask what can be done in a given situation. The silence makes them believe that their inner self is super strong to deal it all. Correct as this may sound in the name of confidence, it also heightens the pedestal of the person and isolates him or her from the rest of the reality and world at large.

The best and sad part is these people are unaware of what it can do to their brain 

I learned about it recently through a few instances happening in some people’s lives. These are some people whom I have personally known.

Years of not really opening up and keeping to themselves internally, in the name of being silent and quiet types, this silence is known to cause the brain cells to stop functioning well.

Reading a book, watching the news, taming a pet may be good ways to spend time but they should not be the only ways to spend time which often happens to these silence lovers at old age. These activities and many of the silos activities give inputs to our brains but do not make any effort to take out stuff from our brains. There is no exchange of expressive communication in these. The silence lovers practically stop interacting with people as they grow old. People to them exist only to serve their basic needs. 

They generally do not have to :

• ask anything.
• give or take an opinion because they have never before done.
• speak because they have never before inquired on anyone.
• converse with anyone on anything because they are old and their conversational skills never were tuned all these years.
• display emotion because they don’t have friends with whom they have shared anything at all from their minds. 
• express love because they do not believe in it. Recall, they have lived in their own heads. and therefore never felt anything on the love segment as it needs expression and they like to be quiet.

As long as a profession keeps people’s brain active, this silence won’t create an issue. In old age, when work and family priorities have faded, the years of practiced silence and aloofness becomes deafening in the mind, so much so that the ever-active brain cells that we have, start colliding its own ideas, opinions, facts, imaginations, truth, and all that it has so far amassed from this life. 

There is no external energy to channelize and direct their movements and get in new ideas or throw out the existing garbage. All the negatives ( garbage ) that has mounted over the years become harmful trash to the cells and there is no space for anything. That is why people stop listening to others when they grow old. Their head is full.The mind of a silence lover is sealed shut... Constant collision within the already full can of thoughts causes a disaster and the brain cells eventually stop working. Plain Simple Truth.

This is what “ Living in your own world” means. Some people live in a Utopian world with their own ideology and silence and eventually end up causing their own brain dysfunction.

The medicine for this silence illness is talking to ( really heartfelt talk ) friends, family, society, and the ability to converse and emote.

Although the medical science has called this a technical name “ Dementia “, it is just another glorified name for the sickness of the lonely souls. Sad but true. The doctors prescribe friends to visit these oldies so their brain cells can recall their past and prevent their grey cells from getting damaged further.

I did not realize that friends have such a big role in keeping us sane!!! even in old age!.  The next time you hear that a person is very quiet, just make sure you recall your role in his life. If you want him to be healthy when he grows old, make sure he talks!! Make sure he has a friend that we hope to live as long as he does too :-)

So if we want to work towards a healthy mind what do we do?

• Believe that people are not ghosts. They can be given the benefit of the goodness of human beings just like our own self.
• Believe that God speaks to us through people.
• Believe that it is okay to let go.
• Believe that no one head is as strong as many minds put together.
• Believe that emotions and love matter.
• The question that "if we were meant to be alone then why does the other person exist?" is important to ponder about.

If we have all these intact, dementia will never happen to anyone. 

Google if u must for the medical issues that happen in the head. 

Seek help if you must, to get out of being lonely.

What I just said is based on my understanding and realization of all that I saw happen to people I know, and wish I had known these earlier, so they do not have to see this day of being sick in the brain cells.