Thursday, December 13, 2018

Evolution teaches Stress Therapy!


Evolution in its base sense translates to Continuous Improvement Process - How we improved from where we were in the age-old past to where we are in the present day.

We all as human beings, community, group, society, country, and the world continuously grow and improve. 

Growth is part of being. Continuous improvement is part of us!!

We have evolved (grown and improved) from the state of total innocence in the undated past to the state of information overload today.

One of the ‘like-it-or-not’ aspects of present-day information overload or its glorified synonym ‘exposure’, is the bringing up of a gamut of adjectives into our otherwise calm, simple, and happy minds. The phrases such as ‘successful’ growth, ‘significant’ improvement, and 'remarkable’ achievement are all conceived my man in his own balance scale, benchmarked by a known achievement of another man. 

With these adjectives, most people today aim to meet or exceed the mark made by another person in work and home fronts. The improvement aspect somewhere dies and competition sets in.  

This is by far the main cause of most problems in the minds of people, both young and old. Where do I stand in comparison with someone? What do I have to do to get to where the other person is?

There are grades, marks in schools that rank the best performing student. Then there comes the collegiate education where again grades and scores matter. Then comes the job scene where ranking plays a role and performance appraisal is everything. 

These practices get ingrained into human brains and it forgets that man by nature is meant to:
  • Continuously improve upon his own previous records 
  • Not stress over becoming the best in a lot aspiring or achieving another person’s feat
What does this stress do to us? 

We vibrate in stress like a rubber band does when stretched to its maximum. With all the vibrations:
  • It creates a multitude of emotions that make the mind believe becoming someone ‘like’ another is the KEY aspect of life.
  • It makes the body and mind work towards getting to that level. 
  • It gives a sense of achievement when we reach a goal, but also makes our mind refuse to accept anything less than the best. 
  • It also makes us want more, do more, work more, and expect more.. and there is no end to the MORE that we want and continue to want in life. 
  • It eventually attracts more stress which translates to a dysfunctional body and practically useless mind chords. 
  • It also creates a community of stretched rubber bands.

Stress brings us to a juncture where we do not know which thought will trigger what emotion in whom and lead to a disastrous mind state where we all are unhappy within, always!! What we understand as ‘happiness’ does not keep us happy - Money, Fame, Name, People, Emotions - Name anything and it does not make us feel thrilled. 

Everything seems flawed in a stressed mind.

What to do now?

Improve upon your own Yesterday! is the best therapy we must practice in keeping stress at bay!

That we have improved from our own yesterday’s record gives us joy untold, if we know how not to compare ourselves with our seemingly similar counterpart.

I say seemingly similar because no two people bring the SAME temperament, goals, purposes, experience, character, attitude, beliefs, situations, and values to this world. Similarities between two people is a possibility but never an exact match. If we get this correct, then we will stop comparing ourselves with another person on Earth. 

We have to keep up our own improvement targets on. What is yours will find its way to you when it should if you can just do your bit diligently and with the best of intentions! 

Essentially, if we are better by 0.1 percent from our yesterday’s records in anything - studies, work, habit, character, practice, sport, attitude, or temper, we are going strong and steady. Going by the meaning of evolution and its truth, we grow and improve! 

According to the ancient epics of India, there are three things a man should never wish/aim for:
  • Another man’s money
  • Another man’s land
  • Another man’s lady
I extend them as: 

Never wish/aim for:
  • Another man’s achievement 
  • Another man’s reward
  • Another man’s success 
None of us here needs to be striving for lives led by other people - some comparable and some others incomparable - if we know that we are walking life at our own pace and are here for different purposes. ‘Slow and Steady wins the race’ is a moral from the Kinder Garden story ‘The Hare and the Tortoise!’ - Wonder why we all forgot over the years?!?

Do not be afraid to live your life just ‘like’ yourself!!!

Is this article convincing enough to work towards de-stressing yourself? Do you think you have tried everything in your capability to get yourself out of the stress you are in with no gain?

Always remember that there are therapists who can connect with you online, get down to the root of your problem and help you gently out of your situation. 

Go on and click here to seek help!!! 

You are continuously improving even as you read this post. It is your LIFE and only yours to Live, Love, and Trust! 


Friday, December 07, 2018

Let Go!!!!

Ever been on an escalator?

Yes, am sure. On a recent such escalator experience with my children, I realised a hint to the big truth of life, as I would see it.

My son held the rails so strong for fear of falling off that he was standing at an angle for a few seconds before I hurriedly got him to loosen his grip on the side rails and straightened his panic mode to a gentle smile!

We safely stepped out, and it was such a huge ordeal for me, coming to think of it.

Afterthought:

Think of life’s timeline as an escalator with side rails. Let’s say each passing moment is a step in the escalator. The timeline keeps moving the Moments in perfect routine and it is always a forward movement. This escalator stops only on your Last working day on Earth!

Now, what will happen if we hold on to the side rail and refuse to let go of our grip?? We’ll fall, while the escalator continues to move. 

That’s exactly what happens to most of us most times, when we refuse to let go of the past. We are holding the side rail of a moment (past) so strong on the timeline escalator. 

We do not understand: 
We are on an escalator. 
It is continuing to move. 
We must let go of the grip on the past and slide our hands easy on the side rails (Move on).

For those of us, deeply affected (both happy memories and sad memories) by an incident, person, place, or thing of the past, this phrase ‘Move on’ may sound, impossible, unfair, unbelievable, or even disheartening.

However, it is important to know that the memories  HAVE to take a form for the rest of the journey, by the Law of Creation. Anything that happens, MUST have a reason - tangible or intangible. Nothing happens by Chance.

Memories take the form of an intangible happiness record or sadness record in our minds.

If we hold a past bitterness so strong, chances are we will see a small problem of the present to be monstrous. Let me tell why. The mind has the tendency to recall the strongest emotionally impacted moments in its list. It tries to draw a parallel of the present simple problem with the past’s bitter memory and makes you relive the feeling from the past. This makes you reach a consensus you have known a similar situation earlier and how it goofed up your life. There is a well-known adage - Experience makes a man perfect!! Going by that, your experience of bitterness aligns your mind so well to the present situation and you cannot believe in anything but the worse.

Therefore, we often hear people say: I had a tougher past, or It has always been hard for me.

May be the current situation is simpler than the past instance that gave you the bitter memory. Instead of thinking how to resolve the challenge of the present, the mind is fixed on the anchor of sadness from the past, leaving little or no time and motivation to work on the present case in hand. The circumstances are usually never exactly same, so chances are, if addressed correctly, the solution may be in sight for the present challenge. If only the past allowed you to think!!

If we hold to the past joy so strong, chances are we can never appreciate a present joyous happening. The mind tries to draw a parallel between the present joy and the strongest emotionally impacted joy of the past from its database. It makes you relive the feeling from the past that has been so strongly imprinted in your mind. It also tries to compare the current happy moment you are in and would naturally conclude that this is nothing compared to the joy of the past.  

Therefore, we often hear people say: This is nothing man!, the place had better recipes when we used to eat here every Sunday evening as a child. 

May be the chef changed, and the taste has deteriorated genuinely but in most cases, it is the mind. As a child, may be the mind enjoyed the company of people it went with, the things they spoke, the taste difference it had from that of the home-cooked meals and the leisure time it offered from the school or college routines. As a grown-up, now the same mind has outgrown all these situations but the feeling of ‘connection’ that made the mind comfortable back in the past has not left. So at present, the mind is not able to appreciate the same place, same food and possibly same people and same Sunday evening.  

In both these happy and sad situations, if we carefully think through, Happy memories do not allow you to appreciate the current joys. Sad memories do not allow you to believe “Today is doable”.

Now, I am wondering if memory power is great, except for the academic examinations and recalling a special day?

With more and more people realizing this truth and the importance of mental health, living the moment and letting go of the past also becomes a subject of discussion. 

Past is not a thing to just drop off from your hand.. Wish it was!!! But frankly it is not.

It needs help. 

Sometimes self-driven, sometimes inspired by something or someone, sometimes motivated by a book or a reading, and sometimes educated by someone who has been there and seen through that.

If you are holding on to something too strongly from the past and are convinced that you must move on, then you are already on the path to happiness.

If you are convinced that you must let go of the past but do not know how, you can seek help from expert counsellors who have studied psychology and can understand the tricks of the mind!! 

Bottom line: In the escalator of life, there is only forward movement. 

Thoughts to inscribe: 

Thanks to the Law of Creation. 
The memories of the past HAVE to take a form for the rest of the journey, by the Law of Creation. 

The Past makes you Believe. 
How much you want to believe in something (either happy or sad) is defined by how strongly you want to hold on to your past.

The Past is History.
It does not happen again unless you have failed to learn from it and pass on what you learnt to the world! 

Share your Experience!
The best way to handle the memories, both bitter and sweet, is to ensure you share your experience with one or many people who may need it. 

Nothing happens by Chance!
That includes this reading you are doing now. Go on! Make the most of your take away! Have a good day!

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