Thursday, September 09, 2010

Flight, Cloud, Feeling, and Change

Welcome to the Sultanate of Oman. That was the in-flight announcement that brought me back to senses from my non-stop wonder about the clouds inside and outside. I smiled.....

Ever since my first ever air travel experience, the one thing that I cant stop wondering about is the beauty of the clouds, no matter where I am headed. I usually try to classify the clouds I see,but this time I was occupied in my own world of thoughts.

Thinking back, the clouds I saw, as I landed, should have been Cirrus. How does it matter anyways? My thoughts were cloudy. It was a very funny feeling within, and I am still unable to classify it three days later as I write this post.

I had left Mumbai,India two hours earlier. It was a rainy day in Mumbai. Within me, multiple versions of myself started reacting all at once, resulting in a heavier down pour of emotions, a little too heavy for me to take.

Little did I realize when I woke up that the end of the day would see me in a different country altogether and it was not going to be easy to leave MY country. Yes, that was the mistake. I had been sub-consciously owning the land and the thoughts of it so close to my heart that it proved very difficult to take the flight take-off from Mumbai Airport.By the way, you don't think I am too patriotic, do you? Well, I don't know if the patriotic version of me was pouring out the non-stop tears.

As I did the last checks before I left home, I could not stop the daughter-in-law version of me shedding a quiet tear.

Many times since dawn, I found it very difficult to control tears whenever I said something to my parents. I was beginning to miss them already. Only when I finally locked my travel bags, did I realize that I was travelling a little far away from home and would not be meeting them for the next few months. The daughter version was causing the maximum tear fall..

Spoke to some relatives, friends and cousins.It was easy to speak, but very hard to hang up. For those who know me, I have always been a Nokia person and I had already started missing my phone calls to different people. There were no tear drops but tears did well up in my eyes. Not sure which version of me was acting up.

Just before I said bye to my parents, I dialled my sister. For the first time, I didn't know what to talk. She was saying something but I don't think I registered anything at all.We were talking nothing in particular for two minutes and then finally the tears rolled down uncontrollably.It takes a little more strength to say bye to your sister.

I was travelling on a very happy note, but it was still difficult to take in the idea of flying out of the country. I burst out crying as I bade bye to my parents. I hated the system at the airport where you are only allowed to look at your folks from behind a glass wall.I thought it was ridiculous. All along when I was waiting in the different queues, I could not stop crying.If you ask me which version of me was crying - patriot, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, friend, cousin - I really don't have an answer.

I turned away and started walking very fast to a distance before I turned to look at my parents. It was easier to let the tears roll down without them seeing me.There was a sudden sense of being all by myself, the sinking feeling I have known every time I moved out of home for long terms - academics and jobs.(It had not been easy for the first few days in each of these places, but once I found my own group of friends, life seemed to be treating me well).

I smiled...., as the aircraft descended at the Muscat International airport. There were no rain clouds. The clouds that were around seemed clear and happy to greet me. Afternoon heat ( believe me, it was not warm air, absolutely hot air, too hot for a 32 degree afternoon temperature ) hit my face as I stepped on to a foreign land for the very first time. I was unarmed (yes, no mobile phone.. if that means something to you...) yet secure because I knew my husband's mobile number!!!!! :-).When we called up home after I reached here, there were no tears.All of us had accepted the fact that I left India that day to join my husband.

I guess, change makes life, the seemingly tough nut to crack and emotions make life, the interesting bundle of puzzles to solve.All nuts can be cracked but all puzzles need not be solved. Sometimes, its just okay to accept an unsolved puzzle. Why do we cry in some instances has no single correct answer. Setting this aside as a puzzle with multiple answers, I am gearing up to crack the new nut in front of me.For sometime from now, the topics and write-ups I write might sound a little different from the ones you have read all these years.Keep reading. May be this is due to the change. Let's get used to it.


SG said...

You completely described my first flight out of India. Only then it was even harder for my parents because I was leaving to study, to be on my own ! But I remember what amma said 'ippove unna kalyanam panni kuduthutenu nenachukaren', as she wiped a tear off ! Your learning curve is going to become steeper ! Welcome to the new country, may your experiences be interesting !

Prateek Sur said...

all the best for ur stay in dying to finish off my studies and fly off to a foreign nation..hope so it comes up soon..
try checking out my blog and commenting on the following you for sometime now and i hope u'll return the favour someday..

Kite said...

I had read once and now I believe, "Change is the only thing that's Constant". Every Change has a reason and a lesson for us. Welcome the Change and flow with it!!! Best Wishes...

Casey said...

Oiyeee... Its fine. This feeling too shall pass. Soon, you will be making so many friends there that you will feel as if you are at home. Of course, Home is home - nothing compares but a place that is somewhat like Home is nice too, na?

Blues** said...

I liked ths blog akka... I had the same feeling when i came here(Dubai). U left a sister in India and u hav a sister at Gulf("gelf")!!!

Musing Gal said...

I remember the first time I flew and it was away from my motherland, but I did not cry then as I was too excited and curious all along the 22 hours of journey around the globe :)

Priya H said...

I hope and pray that this (big) change in your life brings you n your husband peace, good health and happiness.

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